Of Robots and Vampires
by FrostedPurpleIrises91
Summary: Starscream stumbles across a diehard 'Twilight' fangirl and takes her back to the mine, unaware of what possible Hell the poor 'Cons will suffer through due to his actions... TFA. Twilight bashing abound! T for idiocy and swearing. Crack fic.
1. The Monster in the Woods

**Hey there! :) Instead of writing the latest chapter of a failtacular romance story, I decided to channel my creative juices into more a humorous piece of work. Originally, this was intended as a despicable oneshot but I had too many ideas about this so I decided to expand it into a story of about 5-6 little chapters. **

**Now, this a parody/crack fic. None of this is to be taken seriously. I am merely poking fun at some of the Twilight fangirls and the fandom itself because, quite simply, I HATE 'Twilight' with every fiber of my being. Almost every single female member of my family is a Twitard (yes, even my 48yr old mother...) and it's time for this Transformers fan to vent her fury in this oneshot. If you are a Twilight fan, I suggest you press the 'back' button and cuddle your Edward Cullen standee. If you are offended, I'm sorry but seriously, learn to take a joke. **

**So, I hope you enjoy this! If you hate Twilight, hopefully you'll relish this. :)**

**WARNING: there will be plenty of canon character OOC-ness so don't flame me for saying I did a horrible job at characterizing them. It's all intentional!**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own 'Transformers' or 'Twilight' (thank Christ). I do own the OC, Taylor, the hardcore Edward Cullen fangirl... Feel free to pelt apple cores at her and place her in a pillory for eternity!**

Chapter 1 The Monster in the Woods

Starscream didn't quite know how it happened.

He was wandering around in the woods again, aimlessly and mindlessly walking around. Boredom and a sense of hollowness gripped him which forced him out of his humble, happy home in the mine. The other residents of the Decepticon lair had also done their role in ousting him by annoying the living Hell out of him. So, he sought refuge in the green, expansive forest.

The seeker figured he could also mingle and observe the local fauna. He never wanted to admit it but Starscream always found squirrels to be adorable. Sometimes he'd collect acorns and then outstretch his servo up to the treetops where the furry little beasts dwelled. They'd crawl into his clawed metal hand and happily nibble on the treats he had for them. Those bushy tails always made his spark feel so fluffy on the inside…

Instead of squirrels or baby deer, the second in command found another creature. Starscream was completely unaware or even suspect its true, unspeakably evil potential. That was solely because he was spying on a female organic teenager. How monstrous could a sixteen year old be?

He was in for a rude awakening.

From behind the cover of a patch of a few cloistered trees, the dark pink and gray bot silently watched the girl. She was sitting on a rock, gazing at the sunbeams that parted through the tree canopies. There was a slight smile on her face and she appeared to be daydreaming.

The seeker crept closer to her, trying to spy on her a little more before confronting her outright. However, this failed miserably when he crushed a rotted log beneath his feminine-looking stabilizing servos.

The girl's head immediately snapped to his direction upon hearing the loud cracking noise of wood splintering. Her eyes widened to the size of watermelons when she saw what he was.

"Don't come any closer to me or I will punch you!" she said, leaping off her rock and putting her fists up. "I have a black belt in the ancient art of ass-kicking!"

Starscream cocked his helm to the side in curiosity. Normally, when Humans, especially femmes, saw him, they ran away all the while screaming like banshees. This one was standing her ground, actually threatening him.

"What are you?" she demanded. "What's your name?" She paused. "And how did I get here?"

She was either an amnesiac, incredibly brave or mind-bogglingly stupid. Maybe it was a combination of all three.

"What's a femme like you doing out in these woods?" he grinned, baring his fangs. "Aren't you aware that there are monsters roaming around here?"

He stepped out from the shadows of the trees. Starscream stood in the sunshine and the warm beams of light reflected off his freshly polished, metallic hide. His inorganic skin gleamed lustrously in the light.

The strange girl's eyes widened even further if that was even possible. Then a massive smile graced her face. She put her hands up to her face and screeched at the top of her lungs.

Starscream had no idea that such a small Human could emit such an ungodly noise so shrilly. He had to put his servos over his audio receptors to prevent them from short circuiting.

"You…" she said, pointing a shaky finger at him. "YOU SPARKLE!"

"I-I…what?" Starscream threw his servos up into the air. "What do you mean I 'sparkle'?"

"The way the sun shines on your skin…It's like diamonds!" she sighed airily. "You remind me of my beloved Edward!"

"Edward..?" He looked at her black t-shirt, seeing in big, red letters 'Team Edward'. On her finger, he spotted a peculiar ring with a family crest of some sort on it. "What is your name, Human?"

"Taylor."

He scratched the top of his helm.

"Miss Taylor, you are very odd," he remarked. "How do you not know where you are?"

"I remember I was going out in the woods in my backyard to reenact my favorite scene from my favorite thing of all time, 'Twilight'!" she explained. "Then I remember trying to climb a tree and I fell down from it, hitting my head. And then I woke up here…" She placed a hand on her chin. "I wonder if I travelled through time or something…"

He was willing to buy that considering how outlandishly she was acting.

"So…" he said, piecing everything together. "You're not from here?"

"Duh!" she said. "You silly, giant, metal vampire!"

"Vampire?" He wanted to guffaw at her accusations. "I think you are mistaken, femme."

"No, you sparkle in the sunlight! Vampires have really hard skin and it gleams in the sunshine… You really do look so gorgeous. Can I stare at you?"

Although she was extremely annoying, she also compelled the seeker. He would've killed her as soon as she screeched earlier but her mannerisms had intrigued him. All this nonsense of glittering bloodsuckers was a hoot to him. He absolutely had to bring her back to the lair in the mine to show to Megatron. Perhaps she could become the resident pet and provide countless hours of entertainment as long as she kept spouting idiocies.

"I have a better idea," he said slyly. "How about I take you to meet the other vampires I live with?"

"Y-you mean there're others like you?" Taylor stuttered. "Do they shine in the sunlight as beautifully as you?"

"Yeah, sure, whatever."

Taylor ran over to his side where Starscream dropped his servo to the ground. She stupidly stepped up into his metal hand, thinking everything was going to be so grand and perfect.

Little did the dark pink and gray seeker know that this foolish little Human from another dimension would make him wish to be torn apart by Unicron himself in the bowels of the Pit rather than grace himself with her mere presence.


	2. The Clan

**HOLY CRAP! Well, slap my ass and call me Sally, thanks for all the reviews/faves/alerts, people! I honestly didn't think so many people would like this. Much thanks, guys! :) Alright, this is another short chapter but hopefully it's funny. In this one, Taylor meets up with the infamously stupid Decepticon duo in TFA. This might be a little slow but I promise that around chapter 3, things will get better. Oh and if anyone can spot the 'Iron Giant' reference, you get a lifetime supply of Oreos! :O Please enjoy the update!**

Chapter 2 The Clan

"Hey, Lugnut. Lugnut. Lugnut! Luggy! Nutlug! Cyclops, I'm talking to jou! Earth to Lugnut! Lugnut, come on! I have somezhing important to tell jou! Don't make me start to sing ze 'Hamster Dance Song'!"

Lugnut spun around at last. Primus forbid that he should have to endure the horror of listening to Random sing the accursed song. He'd much rather listen to an over-energized Icy singing screamo.

"WHAT…" the husky green and purple Decepticon growled. "DO…YOU…WANT?"

"Hi!" the black and red face beamed.

"YOU ANNOYED ME THIS MUCH JUST TO SAY 'HI' TO ME? I WILL RIP YOUR HELM OFF, YOU LITTLE INSECT!"

"Jou have to catch me first!"

Before Lugnut could throw his arms around Blitzwing and lock him in a crushing bear hug, the agile triple changer bounded away like a gazelle. The heavier bot chased after him like a lumbering hippopotamus.

"Blitzwing, I swear upon mighty Megatron himself, when I finally get a hold of you, I will plant my stabilizing so far up your aft, your creators will feel it!" he threatened.

"Don't bring my sveet, lovely mozher into zis!" Hothead yelled back.

"My fazher on ze ozher hand vas a dog," Random cackled. "Come on, Lugnut, catch me!" He ripped off a rock from the craggy wall and threw it at his comrade. "Tag, jou're it!"

"YOU LITTLE, THREE-FACED FRAGGER!"

"Shut up, loud mouth!" said Hothead. "Jou'll cause an avalanche! Or even vorse…" He paused. "Jou'll vake Megatron up from his beauty nap. Jou know how angry he gets vhen his beauty rest is disturbed!"

The behemoth grumbled grudgingly acknowledged the reality. He didn't want to disturb his master's "aesthetically-enhancing" recharge. Getting yelled at, berated or abused by Megatron was not on his list of things to do. He was a lover of his lord, not a fighter.

"Very well, I will cease this idiocy for the sake of Megatron and Megatron alone," Lugnut resolved. "Blitzwing, that must mean that you yourself must…"

He was silenced as he heard Random's loud laughter and another rock struck him on the crown of his helm. His large optic twitched, forcing himself to not kill his partner. Then he buried his helm into his servos and wept.

"Blitzwing…" the cyclopean bot mourned. Pink tears of energon stained his pincher-like servos. "You have no idea how much I hate you…"

"Aww, he's crying!" a feminine voice sounded.

Lugnut's tears dried up and Blitzwing dropped a rock onto his stabilizing servo that he was poised to throw at the big green and purple mech. The two kooky 'Cons faced the direction where the voice came from.

They caught sight of Starscream. But they noticed he wasn't alone when he saw a young Human femme sitting in the palm of his servo.

"Starscream, vhat did Megatron say about bringing pets into ze lair?" Icy folded his arms across his chest. "Do jou remember vhen jou brought a raccoon in?" He shuddered at the flashback that played in his processor. "Ugh, I remember ze raccoon…"

"This isn't a raccoon," Starscream said. "As you can see, this is a Human. I found her in the woods. She said she's not from around here."

"I cannot believe what I'm seeing!" Taylor grinned enormously. "Freaking giant, metal, sparkling vampires!"

"Starscream, dispose of the Human beast child immediately!" Lugnut urged. "Megatron will not approve of this mutiny!"

"Please, Lugnut, for the love of Primus and all that is holy and sacred, shut the FUCK up," Starscream begged. "Things get boring around here and we need a pet."

"A pet!" Random clasped his servos together and bounced up and down. "Ooh, let me touch ze organic!"

"Oh my, what big teeth you have!" the Twilight fangirl observed. "I'm sure you can kill a deer so quickly and painlessly so it doesn't have to suffer. You're very humane and adorable." She slapped herself upside the head. "Silly me, I forgot to tell you all my name. I'm Taylor! Edward Cullen is mine and if you challenge me to have him, I will slit your throat with my dad's Swiss army knife!" She smiled largely. "But I'm sure we can all be awesome friends!"

Lugnut laughed thunderously at her rambling.

"The level of the Human's ludicrous humor is off the charts," the husky Decepticon proclaimed.

"Say what?" Taylor cocked her head.

"See?" Starscream pressed. "She's our pet now. Who'd think that an empty head could be so entertaining?"

"Vell, I zhink she is adorable!" said Random. "Can I have her first?"

"No, absolutely not." Starscream brought his servo closer to his chest almost in a protective gesture. "Do you remember the last time I let you play with one the animals I brought back?"

Starscream found a docile, small brown rabbit in the woods one day and brought it back to the mine. When he went to go raid the closest grocery store for a thousand pounds worth of carrots, Blitzwing had found his pet and was convinced it was the Easter Bunny. When he tried to make it give him so chocolate emphasizing that he had been a "very good little mech", he then resorted to smashing it beneath his fist when it wouldn't give him said chocolate. When Starscream came back with the carrots, all he found was a smashed bloody, brown, furry pancake.

"Zat rabbit had offended me," Icy said sourly.

"Oh, I see what you did there," Taylor grinned. "You can change faces! Is that your gift? See, all vampires have a gift of some kind. Yours is that you can change faces!"

"Vhat are jou talking about..?"

"She speaks of this thing called 'Twilight'," Starscream explained. "She is obsessed with it. Taylor had told me a little more about it when I was bringing her back here to introduce her to my fellow 'vampires'."

"What are these untruths of which you speak?" Lugnut questioned. "We are not vampires! We are Decepticons who seek to rid the universe of the accursed Autobots and bring glory to mighty Megatron!"

"You don't need to hide anything from me," the teenager said. "It's okay. Starscream told me what you are… I'm supposed to be afraid but I'm not. I would be honored to live here with real giant vampires like you."

"Starscream, zis is may be one of ze most brilliant plans jou have come up with," Blitzwing chuckled. "Zis Human is most…interesting. Does she not know who ve are?"

"I'm a dimension-travelling mama! You guys sure didn't exist in my world! My world is so boring especially since Twilight isn't real there!"

"I zhink I vill enjoy zis…"

"What will Megatron think of this?" Lugnut worried.

"Megatron will find out about her when he wakes up from his nap," Starscream blew off the matter.

"Is Megatron like your leader or something?" Taylor asked. Her eyes widened. "Oh my God, you're like a family or clan of vampires! This is so sweet! Which one of you is Emmett and Jasper? I do believe Starscream is Edward in this world…" She placed her head up against his chest. "If only you were twenty feet shorter and had pale skin…"

"Starscream and ze organic sitting in a tree k-i-s-s-i-n-g..!" Blitzwing taunted. "First comes love, zhen comes bonding, zhen comes Starscream vith a sparkling carriage!"

"I'm sorry, no, my heart is for my real Edward."

"Jou're stupid," Hothead bit back. "I hope Megatron rips jou to pieces!"

"He is our magnificent, omnipotent leader," Lugnut told the Human. "And if you are going to be our pet, you must learn to respect him and worship him!"

"The 'worship' part is totally optional," Starscream reminded her. "Just stick close to me and you ought to be alright."

"When can I meet Megatron?" Taylor said. "I'd love to meet your clan leader!"

"You will… Just try not to be too annoying if you want to live, alright?"

"Okay, sounds like a plan!" She paused. "I have a question about something though. The big fat one said something about 'Autobots'… Are they werewolves?"


	3. Legacy of Evil

**Thanks for the favorites/reviews/alerts guys, much appreciated! And everyone who guessed about what the'Iron Giant' reference from the last chapter gets Oreos! *distributes merrily* Sorry for taking a little while on this, I honestly was having a little writer's block with this chapter. I haven't been feeling well lately and work's been in my way lately too and that tends to postpone things. I'll be sure to get the next chapter done within a reasonable amount of time :) This one is hysterical in my mind; I was laughing so hard at some of the stuff I made people say in this chapter. In this one, Taylor meets Megatron himself and sheds a little bit more light on Twilight. Please review and enjoy everyone!**

Chapter 3 Legacy of Evil

Blitzwing raised an optic. Werewolves? He was aware of the anthropomorphic beast that had appeared in many Human legends across the globe.

"Verevolves?" Icy asked, stroking his chin. "Ah, an unfortunate organic who turns into a fierce creature under ze light of ze full moon. Zhey can only be killed vith a silver bullet…"

Taylor furrowed her brows at the triple changer. She looked at him as if he was stupid or spoke another language.

"Uh, no," she said awkwardly. "Never heard of that. They can turn into their wolf forms whenever they want to! I have to admit that although Edward is my love and I think vampires are the coolest things ever, Jacob Black and his wolf clan is so sexy!"

"Jacob Black?" Lugnut scratched his helm.

"Oh my God, I can't let this go on! I need to educate you about the greatest thing ever in the history of…forever!"

She dug through her jean pocket to search for her cell phone. Taylor took it out a few seconds later and touched a button on the top of the device. The screen came to life, with a picture of a shirtless Edward Cullen being her wallpaper.

"Is zat jour boyfriend?" Random teased the organic.

"Yes," Taylor bit her lower lip and held back a squeal. "Well, I wish… That's my lovely Edward." Her eyes glazed over suddenly and she growled. "But he's got Bella Swann! I hate Bella, she is a fucking whore because she's stealing my man!"

"Oooookay…" Lugnut was slightly taken aback by this fanatical outburst. "Starscream, I think there's something wrong with your pet."

Starscream rolled his optics.

"She's just quirky and…crazy," the seeker said in an assuring voice. He lowered the tone of his voice and spoke to both of his fellow Decepticons. "This is why I brought her back; she's a hoot, isn't she?"

"This germ frightens me," Lugnut looked downward.

"There's no need to be afraid of me," the fangirl smiled. "With some time, we're all going to be good friends!"

She pulled up a collection of videos that she had saved to her phone. Despite the fact she had no service on it due to the fact she was in another dimension, she (unfortunately) could show her new friends what she had so feverishly idolized.

"Behold!" she said, selecting a clip.

Three giant metal heads looked over her shoulder as their optics focused on the tiny screen on her phone. She joined them in watching the trailer of the first movie, having a dreamy look in her eyes.

"_You're impossibly fast and strong… I have considered radioactive spiders and kryptonite…_"

"He looks funny!" Blitzwing giggled, gesturing to Edward.

Taylor's head almost turned around in a one hundred eighty degree motion upon hearing the pumpkin face make that statement. She glared at him with deathly eyes and gritted teeth.

"Vipe zat look off jour face now, organic!" Hothead threatened.

"BITCH, the trailer is on!" she screamed. "No one speaks when it plays! SILENCE!"

Blitzwing was so shocked by her sheer gall and fury that he didn't react by snatching her out of Starscream's servo and crushing her like a blueberry. All he could do was stare back at her even after she turned around and continued to watch the trailer.

"This is preposterous!" Lugnut said, as he and his comrades watched the trailer all the way to its ending. "I have learned nothing from this nor do I have the urge to learn something from it!"

"Well… I guess it does make sense," Taylor wrung her hands. "I mean, you guys are vampires, big ones, but vampires nonetheless so I understand why you may not be into it because you live it."

"_The sheer ridiculousness of this Human is profound,_" Starscream thought to himself. "_Is she that stupid and disillusioned that she doesn't know the difference between a freshly polished mech standing in the sunlight and that… Edward creature? She's either going to get eaten by Blitzwing's crazy side or I'm going to step on her._"

"FOR SPARK'S SAKE, WHAT IS THE MEANING OF ALL THIS SCREECHING?" A loud, imperious voice boomed like a thunderbolt tossed by Zeus himself.

Blitzwing looked like he had an oil leak as soon as he heard his lord yell. Lugnut's huge optic widened dramatically and his entire body went rigid as if someone was pointing a cannon directly over his spark chamber. Starscream almost dropped Taylor and he bit his lower lip in anxiety.

"Who's that?" the organic asked with wonder in her voice. "It was almost as loud as the Cullen family playing baseball!"

"THAT!" the same voice screamed. "WHO LET A HUMAN IN HERE? SO HELP ME PRIMUS, I WILL SHOVE MY SERVO DOWN THEIR THROAT AND TEAR THEIR SPARK OUT!"

"Starscream!" Lugnut and Blitzwing said in unison.

"Oh, dear…" the seeker's faceplate contorted into a look of deep terror.

Taylor watched in amazed awe as she saw yet another huge robot grace her with his presence. He gleamed a clean, silvery color even in the dim mine and his ruby optics glowed a bloody, angry color. With every step he took, it sounded as if a herd of sauropods were coming closer to her. The best part about it was that his optics were locked onto her form mercilessly and they didn't blink.

"Oh my, you must be the clan elder!" she said enthusiastically. "Carlisle, in other words! You know, I just realized there's no Rosalie, Esme or Alice here… That's depressing!"

"Starscream, talk to me now," Megatron ordered. "What is this…thing doing here?"

"I found this Human in the woods surrounding our home," the jet explained, his voice tinted with fear. "Listen to her speak, my liege, she is so amusing! I brought her back here to entertain us! She thinks we are vampires!"

"Is this a joke of some sort? I'm not laughing."

"Don't be mad at him!" Taylor spoke out. "Starscream brought me back here because he thought a cute, little Human like me would make a great pet! Right, Starscream? And I agreed to come along too. He told me what you all are…"

"You dare to talk to me in a tone like that?"

"Sorry, I'm just so obsessed with vampires I get so relaxed around them… You are the clan leader and I am in your house. Forgive me!"

Megatron blinked his optics a few times in curiosity. His hostile sneer faded and was replaced by a confused frown. He cocked his brow plates and gazed back at her inquisitively.

"Vampires…" he said. "Um… You must be mistaken, organic."

"Really, it's okay!" Taylor beamed. "You don't have to hide anything from me. I know everything! I'm not afraid either. Can I please live with you?" The odd girl folded her hands together. "Pretty please with sugar lumps and chocolate chips on top?"

"Jou can't say 'no' now, sir!" Random reminded Megatron. "She said sugar lumps and chocolate chips! Jou really vould have no spark if jou said ozhervise!"

"Megatron, you always wanted a court jester," Starscream smiled. "Here she is!"

"I really am funny," she tried to convince him. "Everyone in my class said I am while they threw erasers at me!"

Megatron smiled a tiny smile. He already could tell so much about her even though Starscream didn't explain much of anything else about her. And he had to admit that it was rather dingy and boring inside the mine at times. Some comedy had to liven things up a little and this girl's foolish ramblings just may have been the cure he was seeking.

"Then entertain us, child," he said. "I am already surrounded by a pack of idiots but the more, the merrier! Now, have fun with your new friends and get comfortable. I'm going to resume my beauty sleep now." A serious look then graced his faceplate. "Just keep it down or we will have grievous issues."

"I understand completely!" Taylor nodded her head. "Thank you very much! I have a question though…"

"Speak."

"When will we attack the werewolves?"

Starscream stifled a spray of laughter at her question. He brought a servo up to his face to drown out the hysterics he was about to unleash from his mouth.

"What are you talking about, femme?" Megatron gawked. "What werewolves are you talking about?"

"Decepticons are vampires," she said as if it was an established and widely known fact, "and those other robots your clansmen spoke about, the Autobots, are werewolves! I am with you! When do we attack?"

All Megatron did was laugh so hard that he snorted. The Decepticon overlord promptly left the room to distance himself from her. He somewhat feared that her stupidity was contagious.

"He must be so confident that he's laughing!" she assumed. "What a great leader!"

"I cannot believe Megatron has accepted you," Lugnut complained. "But it is something I must bear now… Starscream, do not let her into my quarters!"

"Can I borrow her?" Random begged the seeker. He got down on his knees. "Please! I promise I von't kill her like I did to ze Easter Bunny!"

"For the millionth time, it was not the Easter Bunny, halfwit!" Starscream fumed. "His name was Mr. Bunnums! And you will not borrow my Human that I discovered! Technically, she's my pet and I say who she goes with!"

"Oh, neat!" said Taylor. "I get to spend more time with you, Starscream! I have so much to teach you about 'Twilight'! I didn't even get to the part about how Edward and Bella were have a baby together! You see, a female vampire's eggs are frozen but a boy vampire's sper-…"

"Take her!" Starscream thrust her into Blitzwing's servos. "She can torture your mind for a few hours. You might be immune to it since your processor is shot."

The black and red face only smiled happily like a little boy who got a Nerf gun on Christmas day. He brought her close to his face and nuzzled her.

"Zis is vonderful!" he almost screeched. "All ze pets I tried to keep died!"

"Because you ate them so you wouldn't have to feast upon the blood of your own kind…" Taylor said, patting his cheek. "You have such a good heart, Blitzwing."

"Come, Human!" He strode out of the room, holding her in his servo. "Ve vill have such fun togzeher! Ve vill play 'House', and zhen ve vill color, and zhen ve vill tell each ozher secrets and zhen…"

His voice and dialogue faded as he walked down the corridor that led to the Cons' private quarters. Starscream and Lugnut only watched as they watched the triple changer carry her off, somewhat disbelieving what was actually going on.

"She's going to die," Lugnut said blandly.

"I'm willing to risk it at this point," Starscream shook his helm. "I don't want to learn about that wretched obsession of hers for an hour. I need a break already from her."

(…)

Unfortunately for Taylor, Random had been usurped by the analytical and curious Icy when the two made it to his quarters. He walked over to his berth and sat down on it. Blitzwing gently slid her off his servo and onto the bare, metal bed. Although she somewhat repulsed and frightened him to a certain degree, he wanted to learn more about her and her obsession with the pale one called Edward Cullen.

He cocked his helm to the side when he noticed her reading something on her phone. His optics narrowed and he leaned in so he could get a better look at what caught her attention.

"May I ask vhat jou are reading?" he said.

"Oh my God, this is so hot…" she mumbled. The fangirl sighed dreamily and crossed her legs together.

"Clearly, jou are becoming aroused…" He felt a bit awkward.

"Sorry, I was just reading a fan fiction story I downloaded onto my phone so I could read it anytime, any place, anywhere… Even in a weird dimension like this!"

"Fan fiction..?"

"It's when fans write stories about the fandoms, or things that they like. I'm a Twilight fangirl, therefore, I'm into that fandom. There are other people like me!"

"Dear Primus, zhere's more of jour kind?" Hothead said with rising horror. "I must travel into jour evil dimension and save ze multiverse from jou traveling between vorlds!"

"You talk funny! I like you! But what I'm reading is a particular kind of fan fiction. It's romance."

"How nauseating…"

"Specifically, it's yaoi! I admit that I hated Jacob and Edward being paired together at first but I grew to love it with all my heart and soul! It's so tragic when you think about it; a vampire and a werewolf fall in love with each other while they're fighting over the girl they love!"

"Vait a minute..! Jou mean…"

He read the paragraph that she was reading. His optics widened at the graphic lemon that was unfolding gruesomely within his processor. A servo slapped across his mouth so he'd stop himself from puking up some oil he drank earlier.

"ZAT VAMPIRE JUST GOT HIS AFT INVADED BY A HAIRY VEREVOLF!" He screamed.

"I know that was my first reaction too!" she said. "Do you like it? Come on, let's read it together out loud!"


End file.
